10 Ways to Be a Modern Dog

The NY Times recently published a ridiculous article titled '27 Ways to Be a Modern Man'.

Among the absurdities that made the list where little tidbits such as, "A so-called "modern man" would never call a Helicopter a Chopper (oh, the horror) and the "modern man" will ALWAYS make sure his wife and children's phones are charging before he drifts off to sleep (chivalry, people)." 

This modern man only drinks regular Coke and/or Dr. Pepper, so forget about it Mountain Dew, and he buys his wife shoes as gifts! Because every women wants her husband to buy her shoes for their anniversary! 

Have we lost you guys yet? We're coming to the good stuff!

A Wagdrobe employee had the recent opportunity to sit down and chat with "all-things-modern enthusiast", Mo Modern,  to come up with this more modern list for all you wannabe modern dogs out there who just want to be so modern, so chill! 

Here are 10 ways you can be a modern dog (No, it does not involve charging your owner's iPads for them with your paws while they sleep):

1.  The modern dog is always sure he has made a significant mess within a 5 inch or more radius of his bowl of dry kibble. 

2. The modern dog refuses to place their behind on any furniture that was purchased for that purpose. They will instead choose to sit completely on top of their human because every modern dog knows a human chair is more comfortable than leather. 

3. The modern dog does not brush his teeth. He just does not have the time.

4. The modern dog not only wears clothes but he has matching outfits and accessories and would never be caught dead on a leash wearing the same outfit in any given week.

5. The modern dog will pose for elaborate staged photos but only for treats. 

6. The modern dog has impeccable sleeping etiquette. They will first wait until their human assumes desired sleeping position and only then will they nestle on top of their legs or right up against them so that they are unpleasantly locked in that position for the night. 

7. The modern dog only barks to alert his humans of intruders. Of course to him an intruder is any set of footsteps within a 5 mile radius of your location, the pizza delivery man, a bar of soap, the TV, a chew toy, and so forth.

8. The modern dog has his own Instagram account and he manages it with his own paws. He also has many advertising endorsements and a hired PR person managing his appearances. 

9. The modern dog does not ever feel constricted by a leash. They will charge full speed at any birds or squirrels in their path and will gladly take their owner for a nice brisk walk against their own free will.

10. Lastly, the modern dog really isn't very modern at all. He wants nothing more than for their human to put down the electronics and take them out for a good old- fashioned game of fetch! 

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